I got to thinking this morning (since I was up at 5:50am anyway thanks to the dogs), and was reflecting back on the differences between when D entered the world and when Boo entered the world. This thought process was brought on by two things, first the fact that at 5:50am, no sane human being should be awake, much less trying to think anything without coffee well in hand. Which reminded me of what it was like having a crying infant the first month or three of Boo’s life. The second was reflection that our upcoming preacher today at church is currently awaiting the birth of their second grandchild and that if things go a little sideways we could experience a very interesting birth at church today.
When D was born, D’s mother and I had not been together for several months. She had decided shortly after she announced that she was pregnant with D that she and a former best friend of mine were going to start dating. Needless to say this caused lots of soul-searching and a not small amount of angst to this 20-year old single male. I didn’t get word when D’s mom went into the hospital. But a short time afterwards I received a call from her mother telling me when I could come to the hospital to view and see D in the viewing room as the mom did not want to see me at the time… and the feeling was quite mutual.
I went to the hospital at the appointed time and found my way nervously to the delivery ward. I saw family on her side walk past, we exchanged polite greetings and they helped direct me on where to go. As I was walking around the nurses station I went past her room and saw her cradling this little dark mop of hair on her chest. Realizing that I would not be welcome if I entered the room I kept walking around to the opposite side of the station where I found a seat practically vibrating in place with anticipation, anger, nervousness and more.
After spending almost 30 minutes waiting for her to release D back to the room where I could see D, I finally gave up and left. This was my first introduction to my oldest child. The next time I would see D, the baby was two weeks old. I got to spend one afternoon with D before D’s mother took D out of state for 11 months. Needless to say this has always impacted our relationship.
On the other hand, when Boo was born, I was in the room the entire time. I had spent the entire time N was pregnant reading, singing and talking to the baby growing inside. We had a bit of a crowd in the delivery room that day. In addition to my wife and I, the doctor and nurses, we also had decided to let our mothers join us in welcoming the newest member of the family. As is a tradition in our families, we were singing to help pass the time and ease N’s stress. As it turned out we also sang Boo into the world. We had to laugh as the doctor and nurses told us that they had never experienced such a musical birth. We even had to turn down a request to come back and sing for more births (albeit it would have been fun)~!
The start to these lives I think both has and will continue to shape the relationship I have with my children. With D, life continues to be a struggle. Currently residing with D’s mom because of drug problems, stealing and lying while living with me, I still love D…even if right now I do not like D very much. I can only hope that as D grows older, the wisdom will come that D has a strong support system waiting for D to turn D’s life around, and that D will hear the music in D’s soul that longs to be played out.
As for Boo, she and I continue to enjoy our cuddle time, train building and bath times. I know she will present me with her own set of challenges and tribulations, all children do. But I hope the songs she heard coming into this world will also continue to reside within her and lift her up and guide her during those times of stress and trial.
Music makes the world go round….