So this past weekend I was talking to my best friend about girls, moving on and our thoughts for my future. And one of the questions he asked me was how often I thought about my ex (? whatever the hell she is…). My somewhat flippant reply was never or not often and more often than not that’s probably true. I can go days, occasionally weeks without thinking about her at all. But not all the time and not the last couple days.
My son was listening to another episode of the old radio show “X Minus One” while I was working online and while I was browsing my myspace page he saw his “mom’s” profile pic, since I haven’t gotten around to removing her from my friends list. As a result he’s currently crying himself to sleep after being hugged and snuggled, comforted and talked to for about the last twenty-thirty minutes. He misses her. He wishes she would come back. He wants to go do all the things they used to do together…and the last time I told her this several months ago her reply was “Well, that’s great that he says that but I don’t believe it. He’s just trying to get attention. He doesn’t really want me around.”
Try figuring out how to tell your child that the only real mother figure he’s ever had doesn’t want him.
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But if I give into the anger and hate stirring around the edge of my soul how quickly will it drown me and destroy everything I’ve tried to become and build in my life? The lesson for me is to learn how to honestly experience my emotions and let go of the negative ones. My son’s lesson is that there is a life after she leaves…he’s just got to figure out how to pick up the pieces.